X-RAY: LOU REED & METALLICA
/via discographies:
16% The Edsel, the RMS Titanic, New Coke, Windows Vista, “Ishtar,” the Bay of Pigs invasion and Season 3 of “Veronica Mars”
16% Noisy, overblown, Michael Bay-ish godawfulness
12% Delusional narcissism
“It’s maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical.” - Lou Reed
12% Terminal-stage hubris
“My guitar on top of James and Kirk. The odds on that working — three guitars — is almost zero.” - Lou Reed
8% Back issues of “Penthouse Letters” and a complete set of “Saw” DVDs
6% Obvious-in-hindsight subtext
“Lou said: ‘Let’s make a record together.’ We were down by the garbage and parked cars.” - Lars Ulrich
6% More obvious-in-hindsight subtext
“I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t stay in the room. Ten seconds later, James comes into the kitchen, sobbing. Lou took down the guitar players in Metallica in one fell swoop.” - Kirk Hammett
6% Post-traumatic stress disorder
“Lou walked into the studio, and about seven seconds later, my head was spinning like Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist’ … it’ll take me years to access what happened.” - Lars Ulrich
5% The Peter Principle
“This is as good as my writing gets. I can’t do better.” - Lou Reed
4% Easily ignored grumbling
“I can’t stand being blinded by a stupid light show when I want to see the people. When did it turn into ‘you have to have a light show’? What happened? Where did I go wrong?” - Lou Reed
3% Retrograde amnesia
“When I finally heard it back, I was beyond stunned. Now I don’t even associate myself with it.” - Lou Reed
3% Denial mechanisms
“I sense only joy and elation and the excitement of sharing this.” - Lars Ulrich
2% A retired mailman scat-singing over a fleet of defective Zambonis
1% Brief moments of lucidity
“I don’t have any fans left.” - Lou Reed
